A crow! Flying would rock. And crows are cool.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
What did you dream about last night?
I dreamed that I was seeing my aunt and cousins, who I haven't seen for ages. One of my cousins is currently in France, so when I saw her in the dream I asked her how it was, even though instead of being fifteen she was, like, nine.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Who's the most overrated actor?
I thought Shia LaBeouf was for a while.
You remember how Di Caprio was a joke, then he became a good actor? Well, Shia LaBeouf seems to have done well in Money Never Sleeps (a movie that shouldn't have been made- let's get some ORIGINAL movie ideas going, people).
Overrated actor- Jamie Fox. He plays the same character in every movie.
What's the most delicious meal you've ever had?
My mum's salmon mouse. Sounds weird, but it tastes AMAZING.
What are you most excited about right now?
In my highly adult fashion, I am excited about the latest Sims 3 expansion pack.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
My Bottom Ten
Inspired by Sir Strong Bad, the iconic emailographer, cartographer and philolographer of our times, I present to you, dear readers people who found this Blawg by happen-stance, my Bottom Ten.
10. Bullying Advice from Teachers
If someone is picking on you, walk right up to them and say "Don't bully me". Somehow your eye contact will completely disable all the parts of the bully's brain that are capable of wedgies.
9. Unskipable, Repeating Cutscenes
Playing a game once and having the scenes as unskipable is fine most of the time*. But when you're playing it again it's a real punch in the crotch to have to sit through through it all.
*Seriously, who needed to see Tidus and Yuna doing that laughing bit? No one, that's who.
8. The Masters of Horror Series
You can always tell if a movie budget was lower than Pete Steel's voice when shots last for two minutes. If Dario Argento wanted to make a porno, he should have just made a porno. Also, The Pit And The Pendulum was terrible.
7. Autobots
If they really wanted to make progress they'd stop taking little Jimmy Everyteen on missions. He gets kidnapped by flying Deceptacons EVERY TIME.
6. Channel V
Once, a channel with original, likeable hosts and music you actually gave a shit about, now a festering cesspool of cliché plastic. All sound and fury signifying nothing.
5. Spoilers on Regular Cars
Do you drive to the shops at 250ks an hour? No? Then take off that fucking spoiler, you're not driving a Plymouth Superbird, you infant.
4. Southern Cross Tattoos
Nothing says "I beat up foreigners at Cronulla" like a Southern Cross tattoo.
(I'm not too fond of the Eureka Stockade flag either. I know it's meant to be symbol of workers' rights and a fair go, but whenever I see it I think of the Australian version of the American Hick.)
3. Election Years
Election Year is when most citizens partake in nation-wide Double-Think. Most people would tell you that they wouldn't trust a politician with their broken wheelbarrow, but when it comes time to vote people will passionately back their team and everything said by the team captain like a bunch of well-trained monkeys, albeit monkeys who throw poo.
I'm sick of people saying "why would they lie to the public about that?"
2. Any Combination of Vampires, Teens and High School
Now Angst is a superpower! All vampire teens are upgraded with +5 Moping, +4 Lurking and a whopping +18 Egocentricity!!!
And coming in at a fuming number one...
Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day
118 minutes of bullshit film. It pisses me off that people (Chris Brinker, Don Carmody and Troy Duffy) can bring out movies like this- shitty, shitty sequels. With rumours of a shitty number three to follow!
The naked scene at the start was completely unnecessary. This is meant to be a guys movie. What guy wants to see the butts of two other guys?
My ears are still screaming from the awful southern accent and 'sexy' carefree attitude attempted by Julie Benz (Dexter's girlfriend).
The three cops couldn't even make me laugh AT them with their shitty acting and Three Stooges gimmick.
STEREOTYPES! The brothers' Mexican pal, Romeo, has the kind of dialogue you'd expect from a black guy in an American teen movie in the 90s. He says "ese", "viva la Mexico", "merry christmas mother fucker" and "ding dong mother fucker". These are not signs of a competent writer, Mr Duffy.
Oh yeah, and the Itailans say "capish."
What was with the worlds largest desert eagles? They looked STUPID. Not badass. STUPID. Much like the whole movie. Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus must be aaaaaaaall out of money if they did this movie. Likewise, Troy Duffy. You don't write films like this so you can win awards. Or respect.
10. Bullying Advice from Teachers
If someone is picking on you, walk right up to them and say "Don't bully me". Somehow your eye contact will completely disable all the parts of the bully's brain that are capable of wedgies.
9. Unskipable, Repeating Cutscenes
Playing a game once and having the scenes as unskipable is fine most of the time*. But when you're playing it again it's a real punch in the crotch to have to sit through through it all.
*Seriously, who needed to see Tidus and Yuna doing that laughing bit? No one, that's who.
8. The Masters of Horror Series
You can always tell if a movie budget was lower than Pete Steel's voice when shots last for two minutes. If Dario Argento wanted to make a porno, he should have just made a porno. Also, The Pit And The Pendulum was terrible.
7. Autobots
If they really wanted to make progress they'd stop taking little Jimmy Everyteen on missions. He gets kidnapped by flying Deceptacons EVERY TIME.
6. Channel V
Once, a channel with original, likeable hosts and music you actually gave a shit about, now a festering cesspool of cliché plastic. All sound and fury signifying nothing.
5. Spoilers on Regular Cars
Do you drive to the shops at 250ks an hour? No? Then take off that fucking spoiler, you're not driving a Plymouth Superbird, you infant.
4. Southern Cross Tattoos
Nothing says "I beat up foreigners at Cronulla" like a Southern Cross tattoo.
(I'm not too fond of the Eureka Stockade flag either. I know it's meant to be symbol of workers' rights and a fair go, but whenever I see it I think of the Australian version of the American Hick.)
3. Election Years
Election Year is when most citizens partake in nation-wide Double-Think. Most people would tell you that they wouldn't trust a politician with their broken wheelbarrow, but when it comes time to vote people will passionately back their team and everything said by the team captain like a bunch of well-trained monkeys, albeit monkeys who throw poo.
I'm sick of people saying "why would they lie to the public about that?"
2. Any Combination of Vampires, Teens and High School
Now Angst is a superpower! All vampire teens are upgraded with +5 Moping, +4 Lurking and a whopping +18 Egocentricity!!!
And coming in at a fuming number one...
Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day
118 minutes of bullshit film. It pisses me off that people (Chris Brinker, Don Carmody and Troy Duffy) can bring out movies like this- shitty, shitty sequels. With rumours of a shitty number three to follow!
The naked scene at the start was completely unnecessary. This is meant to be a guys movie. What guy wants to see the butts of two other guys?
My ears are still screaming from the awful southern accent and 'sexy' carefree attitude attempted by Julie Benz (Dexter's girlfriend).
The three cops couldn't even make me laugh AT them with their shitty acting and Three Stooges gimmick.
STEREOTYPES! The brothers' Mexican pal, Romeo, has the kind of dialogue you'd expect from a black guy in an American teen movie in the 90s. He says "ese", "viva la Mexico", "merry christmas mother fucker" and "ding dong mother fucker". These are not signs of a competent writer, Mr Duffy.
Oh yeah, and the Itailans say "capish."
What was with the worlds largest desert eagles? They looked STUPID. Not badass. STUPID. Much like the whole movie. Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus must be aaaaaaaall out of money if they did this movie. Likewise, Troy Duffy. You don't write films like this so you can win awards. Or respect.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Response!
My brother is very funny and I always feel lame when I try to match his comedic prominence. However, I have made a response to This Post-
http://scottwearspants.blogspot.com/2010/05/draw-me-picture.html
with This Picture-
Don't seem to have the hang of Blogger HTML just yet. Just you wait, Blawg. Hey, this is all next to the picture. Cool.
Fig. 1: Homeus Surgeryus
http://scottwearspants.blogspot.com/2010/05/draw-me-picture.html
with This Picture-
Don't seem to have the hang of Blogger HTML just yet. Just you wait, Blawg. Hey, this is all next to the picture. Cool.
Fig. 1: Homeus Surgeryus
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Rant #1
In the past two years I've noticed an annoying trend in a lot of films that come out. They are a lot of them Sequels, Prequels or Remakes.
It's like after that writers strike two thirds the good writers were lured into a room with a pay rise and killed, then replaced by unimaginative Yes Men.
We can see you have no imagination, why keep trying to pretend you do?
Boo Hiss:
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
Ace Ventura 3
Fast and Furious 4
Crank 2 High Voltage
Terminator 4
Night At The Museum 2
Transformers 2
Ice Age 3
Final Destination 4
Halloween 2
Descent 2
Saw 6
Boondock Saints 2
Ace Ventura was dead and buried. It was a lovely ceremony and we were all happy to move on with our lives with our special memories of him. Then, Ace Ventura 3. For kids.
You're really pushing it with this movie, you guys.
These movies I just had problems with-
Case 39. Why would a demon want ice cream and dresses? It makes no sense.
Paranormal Activity. NOT SCARY. Like Blair Witch, in a house.
Dorian Gray. I love the book, so this movie was particularly irksome to me.
Not that all of last years movies were shit. Push, Watchmen, Moon, District 9, Inglourious Basterds and Law Abiding Citizen were all good. I was pretty ticked off about the end of Law Abiding Citizen though...
Avatar looked cool and the Blue People side of it was wonderful. But the dialogue of the humans was awful- the stereotypical army guy said stereotypical army stuff; the stereotypical pilot chick said stereotypical pilot stuff, she even had aviators and chewing gum. Most of the human characters were more like caricatures.
In closing, I totally oppose this cesspool of remakes and sequels (oh yeah, there's also Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps coming out. Jesus.) that we've been served as though it was all Oscar winning material. Not that the Oscars hold much weight with me, personally.
Out.
It's like after that writers strike two thirds the good writers were lured into a room with a pay rise and killed, then replaced by unimaginative Yes Men.
We can see you have no imagination, why keep trying to pretend you do?
Boo Hiss:
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
Ace Ventura 3
Fast and Furious 4
Crank 2 High Voltage
Terminator 4
Night At The Museum 2
Transformers 2
Ice Age 3
Final Destination 4
Halloween 2
Descent 2
Saw 6
Boondock Saints 2
Ace Ventura was dead and buried. It was a lovely ceremony and we were all happy to move on with our lives with our special memories of him. Then, Ace Ventura 3. For kids.
You're really pushing it with this movie, you guys.
These movies I just had problems with-
Case 39. Why would a demon want ice cream and dresses? It makes no sense.
Paranormal Activity. NOT SCARY. Like Blair Witch, in a house.
Dorian Gray. I love the book, so this movie was particularly irksome to me.
Not that all of last years movies were shit. Push, Watchmen, Moon, District 9, Inglourious Basterds and Law Abiding Citizen were all good. I was pretty ticked off about the end of Law Abiding Citizen though...
Avatar looked cool and the Blue People side of it was wonderful. But the dialogue of the humans was awful- the stereotypical army guy said stereotypical army stuff; the stereotypical pilot chick said stereotypical pilot stuff, she even had aviators and chewing gum. Most of the human characters were more like caricatures.
In closing, I totally oppose this cesspool of remakes and sequels (oh yeah, there's also Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps coming out. Jesus.) that we've been served as though it was all Oscar winning material. Not that the Oscars hold much weight with me, personally.
Out.
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